The Difference for LGBTQ+ Survivors
By: Caden McDonald
In this article, featured during Pride Month, Caden talks about his experiences as a youth survivor in the LGBTQ+ community, and how that often presents unique struggles and perspectives not often considered by those looking in from the outside.
My name is Caden McDonald, and I am a 16-year-old trans boy. I’m also a CSA survivor. As both a member of the #MeToo movement and the LGBT community, I find myself being ashamed of my identity in more ways than one. I am a bisexual, transgender CSA (child sexual abuse) survivor in a semi-conservative town in the United States. I lived and was abused in Wisconsin, a state that is known for being mostly democratic and progressive, however it was there that I felt the vast majority of my maltreatment. I grew up in a household in New Mexico that used the word “gay” as an insult, and any gay behavior on my part was to be pushed down; it was a subject to be held and kept inside forever. While I was living as a girl, I couldn’t speak of any crushes I had for any girls, or I would be harshly judged and shamed for my feelings.
In the years that these homophobic and transphobic comments were drilled into me, I was being sexually abused. Because of my abuser (and the words and actions he used to hurt me), I grew up thinking that sex is a sin, one that was made more severe by the fact that I am a gay man, and any sex that I planned on having was “an abomination,” according to some family members, including my abuser. Although my mother has become much more accepting of LGBT people (thank goodness for that!), it has been difficult to remind myself that I am not a dirty or bad person because of my sexual orientation, nor the sexual desires that I may have in the future. Now that I’ve begun to grow older, I’m beginning to understand that I should embrace and be proud of who I am. No one should ever have to hide their identity to stay safe.
Even though acceptance of homosexuality and transgenderism is growing rapidly in recent years, many LGBT kids still live in intolerant households and towns that belittle the child for their identity. A common myth, especially in school age children, is that you can’t be assaulted by someone of the same gender, especially if the victim is gay. “You must have liked it! Don’t you like girls/boys? How could that be assault?” I was once told that a woman in a lesbian relationship couldn’t sexually assault her girlfriend because of her gender. The fact of the matter is, anyone could be a victim or perpetrator of sexual assault, no matter their gender or sexual orientation. By concealing this fact, an increasing number of LGBT children and adults alike are hiding their assault for fear of being told that they’re lying or that they must have enjoyed it, further suppressing their identity and their pain.
The #MeToo movement has helped survivors of sexual assault to stand in solidarity, showing the world that survivors are strong and unashamed of the Survivor label. Since June is Pride Month for LGBT people, I figured it was a good time to tell the LGBT survivors out there that you aren’t alone. I know sometimes it can feel as if your identity is a flaw or a mistake but believe me: you are exactly who you were meant to be. Chris Colfer said it perfectly: “There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in.” Someday, you will be able to live, free from fear, as the person you are, whether that means you’re able to transition or finally get that boyfriend you’ve always wanted, it’s a part of your identity—claim it with pride!
